Marked Absent on Instagram

I don't have a personal vendetta against Instagram by any means. I've always felt like I've had a good life balance when it comes to social media and have been careful of what kind of content I'm consuming on the platforms I choose to use now and have used in the past to ensure that my time on the internet is positive. Especially now, ten years and then some into the social media game, I know my limits and boundaries when it comes to who I follow, what I look at, and what I spend my time doing.

Social media can most certainly have an effect on someone's mental health, I'm definitely not the type of person who is going to pretend that those negative aspects of social media don't exist. It also opens up for an open forum of hate and garbage and anonymity to absolve users of responsibility for their words and actions. It's also a place where my creative outlet lives (hello, this blog) and my main sources of entertainment come from (I'll take YouTube for $100, Alex).

I have a love-hate relationship with Instagram specifically. There was a brief period of time a few years ago where I was really worried about aesthetics and numbers. It really took the fun out of the app and even when I wasn't focusing on the look of a feed or numbers, I still focused a lot on my activity on the app. I wasn't really consuming content because I wanted to, I felt like I had to. This was also at a time where I would spend upwards of six hours of my day on Instagram for work, not even counting my own personal fun on the app. I specifically spent a lot of time looking at "influencers," a word I hate using despite working in the influencer marketing industry.

In my previous position at the same company I currently work at, I had a lot more time and flexibility to be on my phone during the day so I could engage with content that I wanted to engage with, but I still felt like it was a little forced. I would still refresh the app, especially during lulls, but I wasn't really sure what I was getting out of the app. It wasn't making me feel bad by any means (the comparison game no longer affects me, which was about a decade in the making since I turned eleven), but it wasn't making me feel much at all. Stories are always entertaining, but I wasn't getting the usual enjoyment out of scrolling through my feed. Instead of creative fun, it just didn't really feel like anything.

I switched positions within my company and inherited arguably too many responsibilities for about two months while there were transitions happening within our office. For about three months, I just didn't feel as connected to Instagram as I had in the past. I'd still log in and see what my friends were up to, but I stopped posting. Truly, I stopped creating content. I had blog posts up still, but I wasn't shooting any new original content for my feed. I just didn't feel inspired, especially with the very little free time I had that wasn't bogged down with work.

If I said I didn't care about Instagram, I'd be lying to some degree. I don't care about it in the way that some content creators do. I'm not here to judge anyone who cares about their feed or numbers, especially if their income–whether it's their main source or supplementary source–depends on it. I'm merely just here to be honest about saying that the numbers don't bug me. My sporadic posting schedule doesn't bug me. Truly, the only numbers I look at regularly are my Stories impressions, mostly because I just like to see how many people are viewing my shenanigans, mostly for my ego. I like to entertain in whatever way I can. My dad is a singer and while I'm not musical, I still like to give people a show, and mine is through nonsensical slides that exist for 24 hours on my Instagram Stories.

The inspiration for Instagram is coming back slowly but surely. I feel a little more excited to log on and craft captions. Hopefully new content will follow, but that would require me to not sweat out of every single possible pore in my body in this god forsaken New York City heat.