This post is alternately titled I Need to Stop Wearing This Jacket. I feel like I've had this conversation with a few different friends recently and it's been weighing on my mind a lot. Okay, not weighing on my mind. That seems really dramatic for something that really isn't that dramatic. I've had this struggle on and off for the past few years and I haven't quite been able to shake it or find a solution for a reoccurring problem.
Getting dressed in the morning is honestly a feat. I'm thrilled with an outfit choice every once in a blue moon, but most of the time, I feel like I'm just going through the motions because I very well cannot just walk out of my apartment stark naked nor would I ever anyways for some #ConfidenceIssues. Fashion is and has been a huge part of my identity for a while. I've gone through plenty of phases, trying to find the sort of style that suits me and my body type and my personality. I like being the fashion girl, the one who gets texts from her friends about how to style something, the one who gets hyped about looking at new collections and seeing what's trending even if I know that trends aren't everything.
So, you can see why this would be an issue. If I wake up every morning and am not thrilled about what I'm wearing, does this translate to me not being thrilled with my life at the moment? I feel like a fraud in my two pairs of Levi's with a rotating small selection of turtlenecks and Adidas sneakers that I've worn so much that my mom basically forced her pair onto me because my original pair had gotten so dirty. How could I possibly be the fashion girl with that everyday uniform?
These are the questions I ask myself often, which I know sounds ridiculous but that's what it's like inside my brain! It's not all Niall Horan and Shawn Mendes and skincare. I mean, it mostly is, but other stuff goes on in there too!
Truthfully, I just don't know what to wear anymore that I haven't exhausted already. My life is a sea of neutrals and turtlenecks and I don't really know how to dig myself out. I talk about money issues a lot on this blog and not spending, but it's a big part of my life right now and saving is essential. A simple solution to my problem would just be to buy more clothes, but that financially is not possible right now.
I was walking through Bloomingdale's on a really cold day with a friend recently and we were both ogling over the contemporary designer section, pointing out pieces that really spoke to us. We both came to the conclusion that we can't dress the way that we feel on our budgets. It's a hard reality to face, at least to me. I don't love the fact that I have to obsessively check my bank account or tell myself that something has to wait until I'm making more money. Inversely, I really respect myself for being able to control an impulse habit that I didn't have when I was living in Cleveland, especially my last year there. It was the first time in my life that I have a disposable income and with low rent, a lot of hours at the stores I worked at, babysitting, and graduation money, I spent. And spent. And spent. It was thrilling, but not many of those pieces have stayed with me and have found new homes and it's just a little disappointing to think about.
Even with the money, I never quite felt like I was set in my wardrobe, confident in what I was putting on. I had more moments of clarity then, sure, but I was also living in Cleveland and the pressure to be fashionable wasn't that high or even a concern at all. In New York, however, I constantly put pressure on myself to look good and cool and dress the way I've always dreamed of without judgment and all I can put together is some neutral look with denim and the same teddy bear jacket that I scored on sale the season before.
For me, somehow, the best way to power through is probably contradictory to everything that I've been saying. I just have to make sure I'm comfortable. There's nothing worse than an outfit that you don't like that is super uncomfortable to be in, whether it's physically or just the feeling that you get when you wear it. Most of the time, it's all in the head too. I see people walking around the city in plain jeans, a sweater, and a long blazer like coat–all things that I have in my own closet–and think "damn, they look good." If I wear the same thing, I feel lazy and uninspired.
Sometimes you just can't win with yourself!
Sweater: Bershka
Jumper: Primark
Coat: H&M
Shoes: Adidas
Purse: Target
Hat: Epoch
Aaaaand here's a blooper shot, for the #memories.
Photos by Rebecca Glasser Baker
Something that helped me is I had my sister pick out my outfits for me for a few days! It made me look at my clothes in a new light. Maybe you can try doing that with your roommate?
ReplyDeleteI remember having those exact same thoughts about what I buy and the money I made when I got my first job. I worked in Washington, DC and while not the most fashionable city, dressing professionally well is kind of a huge deal and I remember times where I sacrificed a hearty meal to buy expensive clothes, only for me to declare they weren't my style a few months later and donate them. This year, I started a shopping ban and while it was really hard the first few weeks, I've realized that for the last two weeks, I haven't felt the urge to shop. If I feel like I NEED something, I just wait a few days and ask myself again if I really want it and the answer tends to be no. I think it's just hard to deal with that immediate feeling of really wanting something but once you get past it, it's easy to just appreciate what you have.
ReplyDeletexo Deborah
Coffee, Prose, and Pretty Clothes