Looking Back on 2018

2018 was an interesting and challenging year, as I'm sure it was for many. I'm probably not unique in saying that 2018 started off terrible and crescendoed into being significantly better and then just kind of ended up with me being confused about my thoughts and feelings. I know it's better to like, look forward to the future and what not, but I really want to take advantage of the fact that 2018 round-ups are really easy posts that I have ideas for don't think I've reflected on the year as much as I should have.

In reality, I've had two big years in my life. 2013 was huge for me because it was when I moved away from home and to college. Even if I was just in a dorm and still came home for summer and breaks, it was a big step for someone who spent 17 years and nine months living in the same house with the same people. 2018, however, might just be the biggest. I–wait for it–made my big move to New York City and my life was forever changed.

I have a lot I want to say about 2018 as a whole, but I want to take a look at what I did and did not accomplish on my 2018 to do list. If you didn't know, I fucking hate resolutions. They're very vague, are super intimidating, and just put a whole lot of pressure on the idea of something. More power to you if you're motivated by them, but I just am not. I am a huge believer in and a fan of to do lists though. So instead of creating resolutions, I basically create a short "to do list" of what I want to accomplish in the year. It's much more achievable for me and I just have fun checking things off!

In 2018 I wanted to...

1. Read and comment on more blogs | This was...kind of a fail for me starting in April. I was pretty good about actively reading before I moved to the city, but I'd say I've spent a larger part of 2018 trying to catch up. I'm not proud of it, but this is something I would like to continue to do into 2019!

2. Continue uploading to YouTube | Ha ha ha ha ha ha. My YouTube channel died when I moved. I' not sure if it will revive itself, but never say never!

3. Read a new book each month | This I did indeed accomplish and a post on everything I did read will be coming next week!

4. See the Indians and Cavaliers in New York City | Nope, didn't happen! And LeBron left the Cavaliers! My pauvre couer!

5. Start a rough budget or some kind of savings system | Eh, my budgeting system is usually just me checking my bank account ten times a day to make sure that the money is still there and calculating how much I would have left after rent and my last paycheck of the month if I bought something.

6. Find the perfect black coat | I found a black coat! Not sure if it's the black coat considering it was only $35 from Primark, but it's still something!

7. Get more adventurous with my makeup | To a degree, this happened! I definitely wore a few varied eye looks throughout the year! Still wearing my winged liner daily though.

8. Downsize my lipstick collection | Nope, in fact, it somehow got bigger.

9. Find a pair or brand of trousers that suit me | Nah, trousers just still aren't my thing.

10. Learn to cook something for christ's sake | Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha

11. Invest in more camera lenses | Ain't nobody got money for that! But I would die for a 35mm 1/4 lens.

12. Get a new credit card | I finally got a Chase card! Yay! I love it and I love cash back.

13. Step up my organizational game | I didn't necessarily not do this, but I also didn't do this. I'm just kind of mostly organized to begin with so????

14. Improve my communication skills | I'm sure I meant this as "TEXT PEOPLE BACK MORE OFTEN" and I think both my friends and I can attest to this but...it hasn't improved.

15. Finish my WIPs | I did do this and I felt so accomplished!!!

If you were around at the beginning of 2018 and reading, I feel like my blog was the opposite of a happy place on the internet. I just could not keep my emotions in check. Off of the internet, I was crying every free second I had alone. I had already applied to, no joke, hundreds of jobs just to have three different opportunities fall through. Come January, I was just tired. I had gone through like seven months of hell trying to apply for jobs, save money for my move, and keep myself motivated to  make it through life when I was babysitting almost full time. In all fairness, I loved babysitting. The family I babysit for were sweet and kept me smiling most days.

I talked a lot about the reality of post-grad life and the things people don't talk about. Like, sometimes you're going to be unemployed for ten months and will have to babysit full-time and consider going back to retail even if you swore you'd never do that again. Sometimes post-grad life means you'll stay an extra day in New York City to meet with four different editors after you completed several rounds of interviews and an edit test for an internship and they'll ghost you for a month and a half until they tell you that they decided to go with someone else.

I firmly believe that everything happens for a reason though. I didn't get that job, or the one after that, or the one after that and months later it led me to my current position. I applied mid to late January, I got an email back for a phone interview at the end of January, I talked to my now boss, I came into the office all the way in New York City for a quick two day trip just to interview, I completed my edit test, I talked to the then VP of Marketing in our Paris office, got an email with the job offer early-ish March, cried and accepted immediately, and moved a little over two weeks later on Good Friday.

I don't think I could possibly try to sum up these past nine months in the city. I've always been comfortable here and I had no transition period. When people ask me what the hardest adjustment was, I just say that ordering toilet paper in bulk online is weird because you can't just casually carry and 18-roll pack of Charmin down the street. I mean, you could. My roommate and I did carry both our kitchen trash can and recycling can ten minutes to our apartment because we didn't want to order them online.

I knew it was going to be expensive. I knew I was going to want to cry on the subway sometimes. I know that some days I was going to swear at tourists. Hell, I side-eye drivers and point to the very clear walk sign when cars are impatient and try to have the right of way. I've had my drunken nights where I don't remember how I got home (don't worry mom, I'm good). I've had many of nights at karaoke, some drunk, some stone cold sober. I have my Matcha Bar punch card. I finally have a life that I feel like I've been destined to live. That sounds so fucking cheesy but my 2019 motto is "I'm Over It" and I'm over feeling embarrassed about cheesy things like that. I worked my ass off to be here after dreaming of it since I was 10. It just took me time to be fully ready to take on the city. 

2018 was not without its struggles, most of which I can't or am choosing not to talk about. But how could I possibly hate a year where I spent 3/4 of it in the only place I want to be?

Thank you to all of the friends and family from out of town who visited me, my couch and I enjoyed your company! 

Sweater: Athleta

Jeans: Levi's

Scarf: Zara

Shoes: Kate Spade

Bag: Rebecca Minkoff

Hat: Epoch

Photos by Emily Polner