The Never Ending Stress Express

In the spirit of making changes around my blog, I feel like something needs to be done about my monthly reflection posts. I mean, how many more months can I drone on and on about how nothing happened this month and how fast time is passing. Blah, blah, blah, sometimes I get sick of the sound of my own voice. Granted, this is all in writing but I can hear it in my voice, which you all are totally not missing out on. 

Random side-note, but since I watch a lot of YouTube...I find it so interesting that I don't know the sound of certain people's voices. I have authors whose novels I've devoured in a single sitting and I haven't heard their speaking voices. Friends online whose words I read in my own voice. I mean, I think the only bloggers whose voices I would recognize are people who also make videos on the side. So strange, right? People whose blogs I read daily! The Internet is a wild, wild place but I heart it very much. 

In the spirit of being candid and honest, I gotta say, this month was kind of a piece of crap. Where must I draw the line when it comes to oversharing? I have a video on my "to watch" list about oversharing on the internet that I probably should've watched before writing out this post, but instead I binge watched the entirety of Younger over the course of the past few days.

I mean, the cool things about July were the fact that I got to go back to Cleveland twice and see one of my old roommates both of those weekends. That was the shining star of the month, probably one of the only times I actually did something. Being home is hard. If I'm not babysitting or at my grandparent's house for some kind of family dinner, I'm most likely at home by myself with the dogs or my parents. After I left home for college, I had this period of alienation where I created a divide between my home life and Cleveland life. Then my home life sort of...disappeared. Granted, it disappeared for a reason. There's no point in delving into it, but it happened. 

So in the midst of doing nothing this month, it also became time for job applications. Woohoo. There's something just a little soul crushing about applying to jobs. In case you're new here, I'm moving to New York (YAY, the one silver lining and guiding light of the summer) as I'm sure tons of other people are doing as well. I would make up a number but I can't even begin to estimate how many people filter in and out of the city everywhere (according to this rough Google search, 250,000 moves in and about an equal number move out). So, you know, there's competition when it comes to jobs. I'm not naive enough to believe I'm the only soul out in the world who has dreams of moving.

The past few weeks have been a cycle of finding a job that makes me feel like I have floating exclamation points over my head, applying, stressing out over stupid wording on my cover letter, wondering if my resume looks nice, wondering whether I'm good enough, wondering whether I'm even slightly qualified, questioning my life choices for the past four years, then questioning whether or not I'm meant for New York, but of course I'm meant for New York, how could I doubt that?

Do you see what I mean? I'm burying myself in books so I don't drive myself absolutely crazy. I think my goal for August should be to get out of my own head. Split my focus with something else during the off job applying hours so I can actually breathe instead of panicking about every tiny aspect of life.

On a brighter note, I also got tickets this month to see Niall Horan at the Beacon Theatre on Halloween so, you know, that's pretty cool. Another tiny silver lining of a scorching hot month of pretty much nothing. Even the bad months have their good parts, right?