Being the Face Behind the Blog

Truth be told, taking these pictures outside was a struggle. If you've been a long time reader of this blog, why are you still here? Kidding, totally kidding, please don't leave. If you've survived this long, I'm assuming you're in for the long haul and can withstand my terrible humor for a bit longer. Anyways, yes, if you've been hanging around these parts for a while, you probably know that I've struggled with the fashion portion of my blog for a long time. 

I've had complications with my own personal style and defining it. Clothing phases have come and gone and quite frankly, I'm still trying to figure out what to do with my wardrobe every single day. Fashion has, of course, always had a part in this blog. I've reviewed collections, spent hours upon hours trying to round up the best trends for a new season, scoured websites for the perfect pieces for some sort of specific occasion. The missing link has always seemed to be my outfits. There was always a pretty overwhelmingly large absence of myself on the blog.

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It came, mostly from a lack of self-confidence, something that I struggle with on a daily basis. It's hard enough putting my words on the internet for everyone to read. I initially hid my blog from people who knew me in real life for a while, back when I started in 2012, petrified of people being able to read the things I was writing and later on getting to read more personal pieces that I wouldn't dare share verbally. Innermost thoughts and feelings are one thing to share, then followed by the face behind the blog.

It's not even just the face behind the blog. It's the face, the body, the hairstyle, your entire visible persona. Sometimes, it seems like there are two different facets to a blog: what it is visually and how it reads. Not everybody necessarily treats those two things the same. To an extent, I understand. Visually appealing photographs are, well, just that: nice to look at. I feel like this is another conversation for another day, so before I digress too deeply along a different path, I'll just reel the conversation back in.

Over the summer, my mom took over as my "photographer." I say that loosely–not to drag her because she's doing me a huge favor every single weekend, taking time out of her busy schedule to do something that makes her daughter's life a hell of a lot easier (and cheaper)–but as to not offend anyone whose profession is photography. I digress, again, but suddenly I had someone to continuously shoot new outfits with me and I ended up on the blog more than I ever had before. There were no longer low-quality mirror pictures taken in the dressing room of the consignment store where I worked. And thus started a new phase on my blog, one that I'm still not quite used to.

I don't feel as though I'm photogenic. I'm not all that comfortable being on camera, though that has less to do with my desire to create the content I'm creating and more to do with my inability to let go of decade-old insecurities that have seemed to follow me from my adolescence. What a drag, am I right?

I really liked this outfit. I felt really good when I tried in on in my bedroom before taking these photos, even doing a little dance to what I'm sure was a Dua Lipa song (probably "Genesis," a current fave). Then we went outside of our house because I live in a city that, while hosting the ever so beautiful Niagara Falls, is not all that photogenic or pretty. On this day, it was freezing, windy, and the snow started as soon as I stepped outside. I didn't really feel like dancing in the outfit anymore and thus, these photos were born.

I'm not one to post things that I'm not proud of. It's not that I don't like these pictures, I just know I can do better. But isn't that always the case? There's always a way to one-up yourself. Sometimes, you have to take subpar pictures to get to a place where they don't seem less than stellar anymore. I went from feeling really good in an outfit to, well, not, and sometimes that happens. My mood shifts an hour into an outfit choice sometimes and I no longer feel "cool" or confident wearing it. That's living life with insecurities and sometimes you just have to roll with the punches.

With time, I'm sure I'll become less hard on myself and hopefully more comfortable in front of the camera. Some days will surely be better than others (usually ones that involve a little bit more caffeine), but that's just reality. Starting my YouTube channel certainly has been helping quite a bit with my struggle to put myself fully on the internet. I mean, I posted a video where I'm not wearing any makeup at all. I literally have friends from college that haven't even seen me without makeup and we lived two doors down. Baby steps, y'all, baby steps!

Sweater: Target

Jacket: "Borrowed" from my dad

Pants: J.Crew

Boots: Nine West (exact)

Hat: Epoch

This picture is a #mood. I'm not too keen on getting serious on this blog all the time, but sometimes I have thoughts that aren't centered around Niall Horan and I like to talk about them. And also, sometimes I take weird pictures like this and laugh at them when I'm trying to pick the winning shots. The true reality of taking photos, let's be real.